Long Time, No Blog

Just been ridiculously bust lately! I have been fooling around with my webcam, though, and managed to upload a little video of the girls I made today. Nothing exciting, just a couple of cute little girls :)

Stupid Specialists

Caitlyn and I had a long day yesterday. She had an appointment with an eye specialist at the Janeway children's hospital at 2:40 pm, so we got there at 2:35, hoping that there wouldn't be too much of a wait. Well, the place was packed with bored, hyperactive kids and frustrated, angry parents. That did not bode well for us! Caitlyn was really well behaved, all things considered, although she was a bit overwhelmed by some of the more aggressive, unattended children running around. What a madhouse. Anyway, by 4pm we were still waiting to be seen, and I was getting anxious 'cause I had left Raina home with Jamie, and I imagined she'd be wanting to nurse soon. I had to get pushy with the receptionist, and tell her that we'd been waiting for too long, I had a baby at home to feed, and I would hate to have to cancel the appointment. Luckily she was pretty laid-back and didn't snap back at me :) She did manage to get us in next, although that was just to put in eye drops and then wait for another half hour. While administering the drops, the specialist notes that she's almost 2 and a half years old, and says the turn in her eye is quite pronounced... why hadn't she been seen earlier. The heavy silence as I stared at him must have alerted him. I said, as calmly as possible, that we had been waiting for more than a year for this appointment. The original referral had been lost somewhere in space, had to be resent. The original appointment with the technician was cancelled and rescheduled for months later. The follow-up appointment was cancelled and rescheduled for months later. The appointment we were now attending had been cancelled and rescheduled. Meanwhile, Caitlyn's turned eye is becoming more pronounced. Now, because of the delays, and months of no treatment whatsoever, Caitlyn will need surgery to correct the eye, rather than just wearing a patch and doing some physiotherapy. I am not happy - my baby will have to have surgery on her eye because the health "care" system lost track of her, even though I was diligently trying to keep her name on the forefront of their stupid lists. Of course, we have to wait for a referral to the surgeon, which could take months at the minimum. I couldn't help myself - I said "Do you think she'll get in before she starts school?" Dr. Specialist tried to chuckle, but I was not amused in the slightest, so he cleared his throat and looked away.

Raina is developing a turn in her eye too. I told the specialist this, and that we are already waiting for her appointment. At this point, the referral has been pending for about three months. Are we going to get the run-around again? Is she going to end up needing surgery too? Everyone I've asked has no answers. This is just not how the health care system is supposed to work. I'm starting to feel like an American!

Dis'n'Dat

So, here I am with some time to myself... whoa - how weird! Figure I'll take a few minutes to ramble on here. Girls are both in bed, Jamie is hanging out on the computer in the office, Eric is at a party, Travis is at work, and Todd is attending a union convention in Quebec City. It's just me, my laptop, and my glass of ice cold Pepsi (*ahhhhhhhhhhhh*).

Three weeks ago, Todd and I said "Hey, let's go camping for a few days!" He arranged for a couple days off work, I set up the tent in the back yard to make sure it is in working order, we started making grocery lists, and so on. So what happens when his first day off comes? The temperature drops like crazy, and we get heavy rain fall. For three weeks. High winds. Thunder storms. Cold fog, drizzle, etc. For three weeks. Did I say that already? Sorry... Anyway, today was absolutely gorgeous. Of course it was. Today Todd had to leave for a 4 day convention. No camping for us! The tent has been blown all over hell and back (well, actually, just all over the back yard, but you get the idea). I haven't even been able to take it down to put it away - I was waiting for it to dry. I shake my fists at the sky!! *sniff*

Anyhoo... I got a couple of second-hand dressers for $25 each. They are a bit battered and dirty, but they have potential. If I have any luck at all, I might get some time to clean them up, repaint them, and maybe try a little creative decorating. Considering that it takes me all day just to wash some dishes, due to constant interuptions by little princesses, I cannot predict when said dressers will be ready for use. Maybe they'll end up just sitting there, all dirty and in the way, until one day I finally just sell them to some other procrastinator :)

Anyhoo #2... So the neighbors decided they were tired of raking leaves every fall, and went and chopped down a big, beautiful tree that bordered our yards. Todd and I are traumatized! We feel very exposed now, 'cause the neighbors can now see every move we make if we so much as poke a nose out the back door. We can see all the back yards in a row right to the corner. Our privacy has been ripped away. It's funny how upset we are - it just feels like we've been robbed. We have decided we are going to plant a couple of fast growing maples on our side of the fence, but it'll still be a few years before they grow high enough. I don't want the old lady next door hollering "HI!" at me every time I let the dog out for a pee! *pout* And what kind of nut job chops down a perfectly healthy tree simply to avoid raking?!

Anyhoo #3... Girls are doing well. Raina just had her first birthday, which means she also had a round of immunizations. She seems to be feeling ok so far, but she sure was unhappy at the time. The nurse asked, "Is this her normal cry?" If you'd ever heard an angry Raina cry, you would understand the question. That child can make my head ring. I think my mother once said something was so loud that she went blind. I understand now what she meant :) Caitlyn will be seeing the opthalmologist (for her lazy eye) on Monday, and she has an appointment with a developmental pediatrician (for possible autism diagnosis) in September. She has no idea these appointments are scheduled, and she could not care less! She's just having fun tormenting the cats and dog, playing in her pool (when it is not cold and rainy), playing her ukelele and singing, and basically doing whatever her little heart desires. She is just so adorable! I love watching her little fuzzy head bobbing as she runs around. Adorable! Raina is also cute, which is a good thing, 'cause with her piercing shrieks, cuteness is a necessary survival mechanism. She has become ridiculously attached to me lately, which makes it hard to do anything at all. Just going for a pee is traumatic - very difficult to "let it flow" while listening to your baby wailing pitifully outside the door. *sigh* She is finally learning to crawl, so I am hoping once she realizes she can get around on her own, she'll want some freedom. I know I do!

Anyhoo #4... I have been thinking about going back to work soon. It really depends on whether Raina will get more excited about solid food, and ease back on the breast-feeding. She is just not keen on food. She had a bout of constipation which made her feel pretty crappy (haw haw haw... sorry), and her appetite is just not great. She loves nursing, too, and thinks bottles are for playing with. I can't rush her, 'cause that'll just cause bad feelings all around, and maybe even cause her to have food "issues". It is difficult, sometimes, because so many people say things like "you need to get her off the tit!" Easy enough to say when it is not your child whose nutrition, growth and health are your concern. She is small for her age, and her growth has slowed down since her last check, so she needs all the nutrition she can get. And even though I yearn for my personal freedom, my wants are just not as high a priority as her needs. So, I am waiting... You know, even though I believe I am doing the right thing, it is strange how much it seems like I am trying to justify my choice. I am not going to apologize any more. So there! :)

I think I have run out of steam for now - perhaps I shall go flake out on the couch for a while! Until next time, then...

Excerpts from a letter to my Sailor

Todd has been away at sea for a week now, but luckily they can connect to the internet via satellite, so we are able to e-mail each other almost every day. So, I thought I'd share some of the last one I sent (just a little while ago, actually), since it summarizes the goings-on here. Rest assured, I will edit out any potential naughty bits! This is some of what I had to say:

Here I am writing my nightly note after having snuck away from my tiny, but effective, chaperone :) She is way too good at noticing my absence! Anyway, if I'm lucky, I'll get through this e-mail without interruption.
We had a gorgeous day today - warm and sunny. So this evening, Jamie and I took the girls and the dog up to the ball field, and just let Lily and Caitlyn run wild. Poor Raina could only sit trapped in her stroller, watching all the fun :) And, it was fun! We threw a tennis ball for Lily, but she got so excited that she kept running right past it. Caitlyn had fun too, running after Lily, after the ball, or away from me. I actually got a tiny bit of exercise! So, we'll probably try to do that at least once a week, if not more often, weather permitting of course.
Eric got his fist pay cheque today, and it's a nice tidy sum. He says he can't start paying me back yet, 'cause he has already found somewhere to live, and he needs $350 right away. He's planning on moving on Saturday, so I have to try and corner him before then, and get him to clean up the computer room before he leaves. Wish me luck! Anyway, he'll be boarding at a friend's house whose mother has rented out rooms before. Apparently she'll be cooking meals and everything! I told him not to push his luck, treat her with some respect, and remember that it is not his house... of course, he says "I know! I'm not an idiot!" Um... yeah... :)

Ok, that was actually a bit shorter than I realized... it seemed much longer when I was writing it! But anyway, that's the news for today :)

Just trying to help my Mom

Rumour has it that there is a shortage of hickory sticks in Pictou County, so I have decided to gather up as many hickory sticks as I can find, and send them to my Mommy :) I had no trouble at all finding hickory sticks... I guess the shortage does not extend to Newfoundland. Anyway, here you go, Mom:

Whoops! I don't think those are the right kind! How about these:

No, that's not right either... Maybe these?

Still not it. Hey, this is harder than I thought it would be! Let's try another:

I am sure I'll get it sooner or later. I mean, how many kinds of hickory sticks can there be in the world? Let's see...

Boy, wouldn't want to find that one in my bed! Ok, I suppose that'll do for now - I do have the real thing here somewhere. Here we go - Hickory Sticks for Mom!

I love you, Mom :)

All that work!

We finally have the bathroom all put back together, after hours of washing, plastering, sanding, taping, painting, cleaning and reassembling... and the only difference is that the walls are a different colour! Well, the toilet also has a new seal and a couple new bolts. You know the rule - if you take something out to clean behind it, you won't be able to get it back in without two trips to Canadian Tire for unexpected replacement parts. The bathroom does look better, though - all fresh and clean. At least, until the boys get back in there to do their worst.
Todd is off to sea as of yesterday morning. He'll be gone for two weeks or so. Caitlyn went to visit with her Nan and Pop for a few days, so I only have 4 babies here :) Eric is finishing up his first week of work; he seems to like it so far, he says his boss is amusing, and he gets to have smoke breaks whenever he wants. Yay! *rolling eyes* He should be getting his first pay cheque next Thursday - I hope he remembers that he owes me a few dollars. They must be working him pretty hard, though - he's been going to bed by 10:30, which is extremely early for him :)
So Caitlyn had her evaluation Wednesday morning, by a M.Ed. specializing in developmental psych. She was really pleasant, and had to say repeatedly that both Caitlyn and Raina are adorable. I didn't need an expert to tell me that! :) Anyway, she said that Caitlyn qualifies for an in-home program offered by Eastern Health, where a therapist comes in once a week to work with language and social skills. Also, she is going to try and push Caitlyn's appointment with the specialist, because without an actual diagnosis, there is a long waiting list for the therapy program. So, it's more waiting around, really.
Anyway, Raina is waking up, so it's back to work for me. A la prochaine :)

Bathroom Reno - Yay!

Such fun - we have begun the work on the bathroom. Todd and Travis replaced the fan while I removed all the fixtures from the walls (towel racks, paper dispenser, etc). Tomorrow we sand the ceiling and walls, clean up the dust and hopefully apply coat #1 of mildewcide paint. We picked a new, slightly lighter colour of paint - I hope it looks o.k. Anyway, I may be left with the finishing up work, because Todd will be going to sea on Wednesday afternoon - he'll be gone for two weeks. If I were the ambitious type, I would slap a new coat of paint on the kitchen while he's away... sadly, I am better at thinking up new jobs than I am at actually doing them :) The kitchen would look so nice with a nice new coat of yellow/cream... *sigh*
Oh, a bit of news: Eric has got himself a job, starting Tuesday. He will be washing tons of dishes, 40 hours/wk, for a party rental place. It's only minimum wage, but it's full time, no nights or weekends. I hope he takes it seriously and does some decent work. He has been a little more cheerful since he was hired, but he still took off for the weekend before he did his required chores. Ah well, I guess you can't have it all.
Caitlyn will be having some kind of in-home evaluation this Wednesday, to see how she behaves in her own environment, and to measure her level of communication, I guess. I am not really sure exactly what it's for - we're still waiting for an appointment date with hearing specialists and developmental specialists, but I guess this is just part of the process. She still hasn't said a single word, which is funny considering how much noise she can make! She is still the most beautiful little girl in the world, though, in my considered opinion :)
So, a busy week ahead. With any luck, I'll be able to blog again with updates, while they're still news :)

R D F

The forecast for Spring in St. John's: R(ain) D(rizzle) and F(og). That makes going for walks, working in the garden, even just stepping outside, less than appealing. So, we are staying in and trying to get some inside Spring chores done. Since Eric is home all the time these days, I have made him my personal assistant, and have lots of make-work projects to keep him busy. Oddly enough, he is not thrilled. Nevertheless, he will be changing hard-to-reach light bulbs, washing dishes, vaccuuming, and so on, until he finds a job. I just hope my arm doesn't get tired from all this whip-cracking. We have some necessary renovations to do too - the fan in the bathroom is not working, and the ceiling is peeling paint and getting moldy; probably have to paint the walls in there too. So, there really is lots to do inside, but I am really yearning for some sunny warmth - I think cabin fever is making us all crankier than usual, and yard work actually sounds appealing. Well, maybe not to all of us (Eric does not find yard work appealing)...

Cruel and Unusual Punishment

It seems that every day is becoming a struggle, and things are getting tense. Eric is stomping and slamming around all the time - it's very hard to put on a smile and play with babies when there's a gigantic 18-year-old having temper tantrums all over the place. It started like this:
After Eric moved out in December, he decided that his place of work was too hard to get to, so he just stopped going. Need cash? No prob - mooch off of your friends. His roommate was paying his rent for him. He lost a nice bit of weight too, 'cause what little cash he could scrounge went for cigarettes and booze. A great life, if you don't care that you're sleeping on the floor and bumming off your friends.
So, we go to visit Grandma for a couple weeks, during which time his roommate gets arrested for theft and fraud, and the apartment is essentially abandoned. Eric is homeless. I told him he could come back, with some conditions. This is where the cruel and unusual punishment comes in, as far as Eric is concerned... Because he has dropped out of school, he will need to start working as soon as we get back from our Easter vacation, and he will pay room and board. He knows if he goes back to school he can live here for free. So, he agrees - as soon as we are back home, he will find work. That was a month ago. Guess what? He's not working, he's not looking, he's not in school, and he's not helping around the house. He wants to sleep all day, while the others go off to school and work, and I am here with two small babies.
As if that wouldn't cause enough tension, he has to be forced to do the smallest things. He's punching walls and furniture bacause I want him to rake the front yard. He's slamming doors and stomping because I force him off the computer and into the shower - you can't get a job if you aren't even clean. He's printed off a ton of resumes, with a phone number he can't even answer (his cell phone charger is in another town somewhere) - not that it matters, since they've just been sitting on my desk for weeks anyway. Todd even did some research for him through the Job Bank and youth employment initiatives, but Eric is not interested in anything that might teach him how to be employable.
I am going crazy. Todd and I are trying really hard not to let Eric become our latest battleground. The tension is almost unbearable. I am angry and disappointed and frustrated with this selfish kid, and I don't know how to change that. If you ask me, his presence here has become cruel and unusual punishment. And that makes me sad.

How to grow a flower

The Chosen Highway, Lady Blomfield:
A woman, full of sorrow and despair, came to Abdu'l-Baha: "I pray you remove my doubt, and give me consolation, I have lost my beloved husband."
The Master answered her:
"If you have a bed of lilies-of-the-valley that you love and tenderly care for, they cannot see you, nor can they understand your care, nevertheless, because of that tender care, they flourish.
So it is with your husband. You cannot see him, but his loving influence surrounds you, cares for you, watches over you. They, who have passed into the Divine Garden, pray for us there, as we pray for them here."

Time for a change

Boy, I haven't been here for a while... I haven't had time to create a new look for my blog, so I'm just borrowing one for now. I don't know if I like it or not :) So, here it is, March again. I find myself thinking of the past alot every spring, even though this should be the season of renewal. It just feels so strange, knowing that under the snow, new life is waiting. I should be anticipating, which is to say, looking forward, but it is so hard. I smell spring in the air, and feel the days getting longer, the quality of the light is changing, and it all takes me backwards. I wonder if this will ever change for me. Will I ever get through a Spring without this tint of sadness? Of course, it may seem a little worse this year because Eric has moved out - I think that adds a sense of loss. Feels weird not having him here, even if he was driving me crazy!
But, enough of that. It might help if I start focussing on the things I want to do with my little patch of dirt I imagine to be a garden... I've got some seeds, a plant catalogue, and a few ideas. All we need now is to see the snow disappear, hopefully just a few weeks away. It's becoming a yearly ritual, I think - lots of planning, but very little actual gardening. Maybe this year!