It seems that every day is becoming a struggle, and things are getting tense. Eric is stomping and slamming around all the time - it's very hard to put on a smile and play with babies when there's a gigantic 18-year-old having temper tantrums all over the place. It started like this:
After Eric moved out in December, he decided that his place of work was too hard to get to, so he just stopped going. Need cash? No prob - mooch off of your friends. His roommate was paying his rent for him. He lost a nice bit of weight too, 'cause what little cash he could scrounge went for cigarettes and booze. A great life, if you don't care that you're sleeping on the floor and bumming off your friends.
So, we go to visit Grandma for a couple weeks, during which time his roommate gets arrested for theft and fraud, and the apartment is essentially abandoned. Eric is homeless. I told him he could come back, with some conditions. This is where the cruel and unusual punishment comes in, as far as Eric is concerned... Because he has dropped out of school, he will need to start working as soon as we get back from our Easter vacation, and he will pay room and board. He knows if he goes back to school he can live here for free. So, he agrees - as soon as we are back home, he will find work. That was a month ago. Guess what? He's not working, he's not looking, he's not in school, and he's not helping around the house. He wants to sleep all day, while the others go off to school and work, and I am here with two small babies.
As if that wouldn't cause enough tension, he has to be forced to do the smallest things. He's punching walls and furniture bacause I want him to rake the front yard. He's slamming doors and stomping because I force him off the computer and into the shower - you can't get a job if you aren't even clean. He's printed off a ton of resumes, with a phone number he can't even answer (his cell phone charger is in another town somewhere) - not that it matters, since they've just been sitting on my desk for weeks anyway. Todd even did some research for him through the Job Bank and youth employment initiatives, but Eric is not interested in anything that might teach him how to be employable.
I am going crazy. Todd and I are trying really hard not to let Eric become our latest battleground. The tension is almost unbearable. I am angry and disappointed and frustrated with this selfish kid, and I don't know how to change that. If you ask me, his presence here has become cruel and unusual punishment. And that makes me sad.
2 comments:
Oh My God-- I've lived this-- I hear you,, and the bad news is,, I still wouldn't (don't) know what to do---- Even have the holes in the door(we bought a punching bag)No, I don't mean to make light--it can tear you and your family apart--- all I can tell you is I have so many regrets about how I handled situations--and Frank and I fought about what was the right thing to do,, we still don't know-- It's so easy for people to say kick him out,, but if anything happened to him, you'd never forgive yourself! All you can do is exactly what you're doing, as hard as it is-- It's maddening when they don' t even want to help out-- the only solution is time--- time for him to grow up and understand -- Just don't give up on him--- As Dr. Phil says, the only person we control is ourselves--- Hang in there Michelle,, it will all be worth it-- love you!!
Oh Mikki, I have no idea what to do either. I wish there was a way to get into his head..to get to the core of this behavior...but that's impossible. Please try to bear up and know that we are all with you and love you very much.
All my love
Mommy xxxxx ooooo xxxxx
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