Spring Reminder

The Chosen Highway, Lady Blomfield:
A woman, full of sorrow and despair, came to Abdu'l-Baha: "I pray you remove my doubt, and give me consolation, I have lost my beloved husband."
The Master answered her:
"If you have a bed of lilies-of-the-valley that you love and tenderly care for, they cannot see you, nor can they understand your care, nevertheless, because of that tender care, they flourish.
So it is with your husband. You cannot see him, but his loving influence surrounds you, cares for you, watches over you. They, who have passed into the Divine Garden, pray for us there, as we pray for them here."

cry

I am shattered, scattered across the floor. You walk on me, then cry because it hurts your feet.

Bridges and Barriers

Been thinking lately about how hard it can be to stay connected to the people in your life, how it should be so much easier in this electronic age. Really, though, all the electronic "bridges" like Facebook, texting, blogging, Twitter, etc, are becoming barriers... we don't call each other any more, don't hear the sound of a human voice, can't see each other's faces. We like to believe we're still in touch, but our relationships become more shallow the longer we IM or txt or blog. In-depth conversations are becoming a thing of the past. I can have the same level of communication with a family member as I do with someone I knew in junior high... and sometimes, I like it that way!
On the other hand, without this technology, I wouldn't be able to share pictures of my little ones with their grand-parents, at least, not as immediately. I wouldn't have been able to re-connect with friends I had lost track of and missed. And it is fun to be able to just log in and see what so-and-so is doing Right Now! Shallow? Yes. Worth it? You betcha!
What got me thinking about all this?
I was poking around in Facebook, and out of nowhere, found the profile of my brother's little girl, Megan. I haven't seen her since she was an infant, many years ago. Through some crazy melodramatic saga between my brother and his ex-wife, Megan ended up in another country, seperated from her father's family more concretely than any political barrier could do. I was excited to see her on Facebook, but realized that since she is still a child, I should contact her mother before initiating anything else. After all, I would appreciate the same respect if it were me and my daughter. Well, it looks like any bridge I may try to build with my niece is going to be blocked by her mother... at least until Megan is old enough to find her family on her own.
And, so - bridges and barriers.

Hey - where's my template?

So, I abandon my blog for a little while... well, ok, a long while... and all my background images disappear! Upon further investigation, I discover that FileDen, where I had stored all my images, had a major server melt-down, and lost all the stored files of account owners who had signed up in 2006. Guess when I joined up? Argh!! Now I have to re-do my blog, and find a new image storage place. Just so I can abandon my blog again... hehehe Oh, and I probably have to try and repair the Couch Potato blog too... when I get a chance. Maybe it's time for a change anyway.

Along the same lines, why have I abandoned my blog, I wonder. Probably because I am much too busy wallowing in a sea of apathy. By the time I manage the absolute necessities of survival (feed kids, change diapers, play Cafe World on FaceBook), I am just to blah to do anything else. If I do get some kind of spark to do something, I tend to make it a bath - anything other than that is too demanding. While I lay around waiting for some ambition to come back, the most I want to do is press one index finger on to my laptop key. Just enough to cook some virtual food for my virtual customers in Cafe World. Blah.

I have been exploring some things online, just for the heck of it, like Twitter, Skype, and live cam streaming. Thankfully, I do still like learning new things :) I have also been reading, reading, reading about autism and therapies and theories. It's a little overwhelming - so many differing opinions, treatments, and political stances. So weird - you don't often hear political arguments about things like juvenile diabetes or heart disease or Down Syndrome, but when it comes to Autism, wow! Very vocal, angry opposites. Yep, I'm learning a lot.

Anyway, I think I've tired myself out enough for now... maybe I'll look around for a new blog template. :)

Long Time, No Blog

Just been ridiculously bust lately! I have been fooling around with my webcam, though, and managed to upload a little video of the girls I made today. Nothing exciting, just a couple of cute little girls :)

Stupid Specialists

Caitlyn and I had a long day yesterday. She had an appointment with an eye specialist at the Janeway children's hospital at 2:40 pm, so we got there at 2:35, hoping that there wouldn't be too much of a wait. Well, the place was packed with bored, hyperactive kids and frustrated, angry parents. That did not bode well for us! Caitlyn was really well behaved, all things considered, although she was a bit overwhelmed by some of the more aggressive, unattended children running around. What a madhouse. Anyway, by 4pm we were still waiting to be seen, and I was getting anxious 'cause I had left Raina home with Jamie, and I imagined she'd be wanting to nurse soon. I had to get pushy with the receptionist, and tell her that we'd been waiting for too long, I had a baby at home to feed, and I would hate to have to cancel the appointment. Luckily she was pretty laid-back and didn't snap back at me :) She did manage to get us in next, although that was just to put in eye drops and then wait for another half hour. While administering the drops, the specialist notes that she's almost 2 and a half years old, and says the turn in her eye is quite pronounced... why hadn't she been seen earlier. The heavy silence as I stared at him must have alerted him. I said, as calmly as possible, that we had been waiting for more than a year for this appointment. The original referral had been lost somewhere in space, had to be resent. The original appointment with the technician was cancelled and rescheduled for months later. The follow-up appointment was cancelled and rescheduled for months later. The appointment we were now attending had been cancelled and rescheduled. Meanwhile, Caitlyn's turned eye is becoming more pronounced. Now, because of the delays, and months of no treatment whatsoever, Caitlyn will need surgery to correct the eye, rather than just wearing a patch and doing some physiotherapy. I am not happy - my baby will have to have surgery on her eye because the health "care" system lost track of her, even though I was diligently trying to keep her name on the forefront of their stupid lists. Of course, we have to wait for a referral to the surgeon, which could take months at the minimum. I couldn't help myself - I said "Do you think she'll get in before she starts school?" Dr. Specialist tried to chuckle, but I was not amused in the slightest, so he cleared his throat and looked away.

Raina is developing a turn in her eye too. I told the specialist this, and that we are already waiting for her appointment. At this point, the referral has been pending for about three months. Are we going to get the run-around again? Is she going to end up needing surgery too? Everyone I've asked has no answers. This is just not how the health care system is supposed to work. I'm starting to feel like an American!

Dis'n'Dat

So, here I am with some time to myself... whoa - how weird! Figure I'll take a few minutes to ramble on here. Girls are both in bed, Jamie is hanging out on the computer in the office, Eric is at a party, Travis is at work, and Todd is attending a union convention in Quebec City. It's just me, my laptop, and my glass of ice cold Pepsi (*ahhhhhhhhhhhh*).

Three weeks ago, Todd and I said "Hey, let's go camping for a few days!" He arranged for a couple days off work, I set up the tent in the back yard to make sure it is in working order, we started making grocery lists, and so on. So what happens when his first day off comes? The temperature drops like crazy, and we get heavy rain fall. For three weeks. High winds. Thunder storms. Cold fog, drizzle, etc. For three weeks. Did I say that already? Sorry... Anyway, today was absolutely gorgeous. Of course it was. Today Todd had to leave for a 4 day convention. No camping for us! The tent has been blown all over hell and back (well, actually, just all over the back yard, but you get the idea). I haven't even been able to take it down to put it away - I was waiting for it to dry. I shake my fists at the sky!! *sniff*

Anyhoo... I got a couple of second-hand dressers for $25 each. They are a bit battered and dirty, but they have potential. If I have any luck at all, I might get some time to clean them up, repaint them, and maybe try a little creative decorating. Considering that it takes me all day just to wash some dishes, due to constant interuptions by little princesses, I cannot predict when said dressers will be ready for use. Maybe they'll end up just sitting there, all dirty and in the way, until one day I finally just sell them to some other procrastinator :)

Anyhoo #2... So the neighbors decided they were tired of raking leaves every fall, and went and chopped down a big, beautiful tree that bordered our yards. Todd and I are traumatized! We feel very exposed now, 'cause the neighbors can now see every move we make if we so much as poke a nose out the back door. We can see all the back yards in a row right to the corner. Our privacy has been ripped away. It's funny how upset we are - it just feels like we've been robbed. We have decided we are going to plant a couple of fast growing maples on our side of the fence, but it'll still be a few years before they grow high enough. I don't want the old lady next door hollering "HI!" at me every time I let the dog out for a pee! *pout* And what kind of nut job chops down a perfectly healthy tree simply to avoid raking?!

Anyhoo #3... Girls are doing well. Raina just had her first birthday, which means she also had a round of immunizations. She seems to be feeling ok so far, but she sure was unhappy at the time. The nurse asked, "Is this her normal cry?" If you'd ever heard an angry Raina cry, you would understand the question. That child can make my head ring. I think my mother once said something was so loud that she went blind. I understand now what she meant :) Caitlyn will be seeing the opthalmologist (for her lazy eye) on Monday, and she has an appointment with a developmental pediatrician (for possible autism diagnosis) in September. She has no idea these appointments are scheduled, and she could not care less! She's just having fun tormenting the cats and dog, playing in her pool (when it is not cold and rainy), playing her ukelele and singing, and basically doing whatever her little heart desires. She is just so adorable! I love watching her little fuzzy head bobbing as she runs around. Adorable! Raina is also cute, which is a good thing, 'cause with her piercing shrieks, cuteness is a necessary survival mechanism. She has become ridiculously attached to me lately, which makes it hard to do anything at all. Just going for a pee is traumatic - very difficult to "let it flow" while listening to your baby wailing pitifully outside the door. *sigh* She is finally learning to crawl, so I am hoping once she realizes she can get around on her own, she'll want some freedom. I know I do!

Anyhoo #4... I have been thinking about going back to work soon. It really depends on whether Raina will get more excited about solid food, and ease back on the breast-feeding. She is just not keen on food. She had a bout of constipation which made her feel pretty crappy (haw haw haw... sorry), and her appetite is just not great. She loves nursing, too, and thinks bottles are for playing with. I can't rush her, 'cause that'll just cause bad feelings all around, and maybe even cause her to have food "issues". It is difficult, sometimes, because so many people say things like "you need to get her off the tit!" Easy enough to say when it is not your child whose nutrition, growth and health are your concern. She is small for her age, and her growth has slowed down since her last check, so she needs all the nutrition she can get. And even though I yearn for my personal freedom, my wants are just not as high a priority as her needs. So, I am waiting... You know, even though I believe I am doing the right thing, it is strange how much it seems like I am trying to justify my choice. I am not going to apologize any more. So there! :)

I think I have run out of steam for now - perhaps I shall go flake out on the couch for a while! Until next time, then...